Ladies' Night

I’d like to propose a new rule to the posse. If one of the posse members has to be driven home from any local establishment because of.. uh… being suddenly overcome by fever… I propose that the posse members escorting the lady home confiscate her phone upon arrival, turn it off, and leave a little note on the bathroom mirror to be found in the morning stating where the phone has been hidden. It would save a lot of regrets and/or embarrassment over texts that may or may not have been sent when under the influence of … fever. I’m just sayin’. Any seconds to this motion?

So, you didn’t think that yesterday’s post was all the Posse had to say about break ups did you? Amber has the following additions to our open letter to the male gender ….

Just because women KNOW something is up doesn't absolve you from having to make the break-up call. You know all that crap women have to read about how men can't read our minds and that being subtle doesn't work, etc. Well we did our homework, we managed to overcome four generations of grandmas telling us what nice girls don't say, and told you what we want in bed (you're welcome) and what we want you to do for our birthday/anniversaries even though that takes ALL the fun and romance out of it, but if it makes you more comfortable, you big fat whiney babies, we women did it. So. Anyway. You have to make the call. It's the least you can do after the Poprocks experience. We promise it won't be as bad as you imagine. We also promise that the things a woman who doesn't get a good breakup call can think up to make your life miserable are 1000 times more demented and horrible and bloody and creepy and …ahem… than you are capable of imagining. I'm just sayin'.

Tell the truth. It will set you free. Literally. Don't make up some story or use something you read in Maxim. One of our posse is assigned to read Maxim every month and give a report at the monthly BitchFest. We know all about all those stupid little amateur tricks. And you have no clue about ours. But you don't have to tell the whole truth. "I met someone else" is fine. "I met someone else and have been seeing her at the same time I've been seeing you and she's younger and skinnier and prettier and has zero cellulite" is not necessary. And it's mean. A mean break-up call doesn't count. If you're mean, you'll have to make another call, and you don't want to do that, do you?

Reasons Why I Dumped You

The mother website for break up excuses can be found here: http://reasonswhyidumpedyou.blogspot.com/

Now, I know we said yesterday that you should not be mean when breaking up with someone. And we still stand by that premise. However, that does not mean that you don’t need to vent with your girlz/homies in private later. The Ladies’ Night gathering this week produced quite a list of reasons why I dumped you. They got a little more honest as the night wore on…

Non-gender specific reasons:

• I don't feel the chemistry is there
• I think the physical distance between us is too great (not to mention the intellectual abyss)
• This match never responded to my communication request (duh - see comments about dead animals - Amber got this one alot - bunch of whiney animal killers)
• I want to pursue other matches
• I'm just not ready for the next step (Amber used this alot)
• Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested in this match (see DEAD ANIMAL)
• I would rather not say
• Your psychiatrist is on your speed dial
• I needed a scorecard to keep up with your personalities
• There is a difference between being separated from your wife/husband by MILES and being “separated” separated, you cheater!
  
  
  Male reasons:
  
• I am pursuing another relationship (duh, he's male)
• My mom/wife found my eHackery account and made me close it.
• I prefer women with larger breasts
• The internet cafe in Africa that me and my 10 friends were using to create fake profiles was closed down. Please send $100 and your credit card number to: I am being an international business man dot com.
• I’m too big for you (oh yeah, this was really said out loud to a posse member, and unfortunately for him was met by uncontrollable laughter)
• It’s not you, it’s me (because it’s always been about you hasn’t it, big boy?)
• I still love you, but I’m taking your kids and all of your savings and the house… but I still want to work it out. (Yes, this actual statement left the rest of us just as befuddled as you are reading it.)
  
  Female reasons:
  
• I prefer men with all their teeth
• I prefer men who like to have sex more than once a decade
• I prefer men who pay their own bills
• No condom, no dice
• Whataburger isn’t dinner and listening to you fart isn’t foreplay
• I assumed when you asked me out on a date you were single (and what does ‘assume’ really mean?)